You’ve probably heard someone say, “I wouldn’t know what to do if I had to date today.” There’s some truth in that – dating is difficult. The dating scene is ever-changing, and you must be in the appropriate frame of mind to handle it effectively. However, if you want to be successful, you’ll have to make a few missteps along the way and turn these into lessons. Or, read this article to learn about the most common gay dating mistakes and what you can do to avoid them.

Not knowing what you want

We’ll start right off with the most important thing – knowing what you want. Is it just a fling? Are you looking for a hookup? A one-time thing? Or a life story? Not knowing what you want out of a connection will affect your approach to dating. You might feel like someone didn’t fulfil your expectations or that you’re wasting your time. Or, you might hurt somebody else’s feelings because it was just a one-time thing for you. The solution to this is to be honest with yourself and define what you want. 

Labelling the relationship without the other person knowing you’re exclusive

There are two mistakes people make – they either label the relationship too soon or completely avoid the talk. Both can lead to heartbreak or at least being disappointed. If you are among those who get easily carried away and plan the entire future after a few drinks, you have to learn how to curb your enthusiasm. Don’t label things too soon, just enjoy the fact that you’ve met a wonderful person and that you’re enjoying their company. Get to know each other, ask questions, read the flags (both red and green) and don’t assume things just because they are logical to you. The other person might think differently or have a different view of something you label as “that’t what couples do”.

Avoiding the talk

There’s also the other group of people who avoid having a difficult conversation because they fear rejection. They are probably on the anxious side of the attachment style, so it’s easier for them to avoid addressing their emotions and discussing the status of their relationship or anything else that might be off in the relationship. The beauty of relationships is opening up emotionally and building a deep connection. So, don’t avoid talking about your emotions and your relationship if you want to define things or address an issue that might be bothering you for the fear of being rejected.

Waiting for Cupid to shoot a love arrow in your direction

Nothing will change in your love life if you spend your days or nights sitting on the couch, binging on Netflix and not putting in the effort. Cupid won’t strike through walls and other barriers you’ve put around yourself. You have to put in the effort and open yourself to opportunities to meet new people. Give dating apps a try to build your dating muscle, improve communication and expand your social circle. If the swiping culture becomes too much for you, you can contact a gay matchmaker in New York or other cities to help you find a partner who shares your relationship goals. The options are there for you to enrich your dating life, but you must put in some effort.

Moving past the get-to-know-you phase to move in together

Even if you’re ready to partner up because you feel like you’ve met the one, you still have to take things slow. While living together might sound like an exciting phase in your relationship, taking the time might be a way for you to avoid a disaster. Does your lifestyle align? Do you share the same goals? Are you on the same page when it comes to your relationship? Are you monogamous or ethically non-monogamous? Could you have things to talk about with this person one year from now if the sex wasn’t on the table? Don’t expect to have every answer to these questions off the cuff because it takes time to learn these things. And that’s the reason why you shouldn’t move in with your partner until you figure out whether you fit on a deeper level. Seeing each other every day isn’t a valid reason to move in just because you can’t get enough of each other.


We hope that by keeping these five gay dating mistakes in mind, you’ll be able to avoid them. Remember to go into dating with an open mind and a positive attitude.