Twenty years is a short period but it sure has made a difference for a gay man to hookup and have sex anonymously. Back in the day, there was the risk of getting caught in the moment. There was a mystery of finding out what the other guy is like. We were a secret society that knew each other by the color, style, and which back pocket a handkerchief was placed. That code was all the information we needed. We had no idea what his name was, as to what size shoe he has; and we didn’t care. We went with them to find out. We knew what he wanted as so did he with the ‘code of the handkerchief.’

You would go to a bar or sometimes by chance in the streets. You see that he’s carrying a handkerchief and you knew right away if he is a bottom, a top, versatile, a dominant or submissive, and the list goes on. You see one that matches and you seek him out in public, wink at him and go to the bathroom or back alley or in some case to his or your home. Don’t roll your eyes; we still do it today. There was a sense of decorum, respect, and you knew what you were getting into. There was no playing around, no ‘getting to know you’ phase of offensive and crude remarks. If you weren’t interested– you bow your head, say no and move on. There was a sense of mystery, excitement, wonder. You felt butterflies in your stomach. It was an adventure.

Today we go to our smartphone, pull up Grindr. First, we peruse through the pictures. Looking at this catalog of gourmet penii that are available for you. We swipe each image and see what’s on the market. With our mouths watering we seek and find a few that look tasty enough. After we are ready to go for it; we then take a look at the profile. Now we know their handle, what area of town they live in. The only mystery left is: will he fulfill his promises?

It’s my opinion that it was an adventure back then. The mystery of their size, what they felt like naked. There were questions that you only had answered when you did the deed. Today, there’s no mystery–by the time you contact him or vice versa; you already know his size, preferences, and the kinks.

The mystery and adventure are gone.

Share your experiences with me and let me know your thoughts. Did you use handkerchiefs back then? Or do you prefer Grindr now? Let me know…