We can have whatever trait we can think of that demonstrates how we wish to express ourselves, such as intelligence, ambition, boldness, introversion, etc. Being sexual, embracing and expressing one’s sexuality, however, is nearly stigmatized. Maslow recognized that we require sex, like any other physiological need in humans, to feel good about ourselves and advance in life. This only means that sexuality is a key trait of our personalities and we should all learn how to accept it, embrace it and express it.
What is sexuality?
The rigid definition of sexuality goes like this – Human sexuality is the way people experience and express themselves sexually. In more relaxed terms – sexuality is the freedom to express your sexual needs, desires, and cravings and not feel shame about it. Your sexuality, whether you are straight, gay or fall anywhere else on the LGBTQ spectrum is yours to own and claim, without any shame or explanation. It has been proven that sex improves our immune system, reduces blood pressure, and improves sleep, while orgasms help fight depression, reduce pain, and make us happier and better looking. Having sex is a prescription for a happy and healthy life, so why should we feel bad about our sexuality?
Let’s reframe the taboo first
There’s no denying that sex is a shameful topic, even a taboo. Since we can write an elaborate article on this topic, we’ll focus on how we can reframe this taboo. First, don’t talk about sex with people who flinch on the topic of sex. This only means that they carry a lot of shame and they aren’t satisfied in this domain.
These people can make you feel shame and guilt, so don’t give them ammunition to attack you. It’s about them not you. Next, own your sexual desires, whether it’s to have sex with the same sex or try ménage à trois with your friends with benefits.
Third, there’s nothing wrong in trying non-standard forms of relationship. We’re using the term non-standard because monogamous heterosexual relationships are presumed to be the standard. Today, we have open relationships, polyamory, friends-with-benefits, situationships, relationships, and same-sex relationships. If all of these are mutually agreed upon and consented to by all parties involved, it’s your freedom to express your sexuality in one of these relationships.
Accept your sexual needs
This is an area LGBTQ people struggle the most with because they know they can be shamed for their sexual orientation. Not only that, they can be entirely rejected and outcasts from their tribe because of their sexuality. And the need to be accepted is also our physiological need. So, the first step towards acceptance is to accept yourself first. Work on mending the relationship with yourself and accepting your sexual needs, even if your sexuality means that a gay relationship is what makes you the happiest. Once you accept yourself, you won’t need the external validation of other people as much.
Explore your sexual desires
You can explore your sexual desires on your own and with a partner. One does not include or exclude the other. If you’re single, you have all the freedom in the world. In case you’re in a committed relationship, you’ll want to talk this through with your partner. Start by writing a list of your sexual desires. What is it that you’ve always wanted to try? Let’s say that you want to go to a brothel, and you’re open to travelling to a different city or a continent to explore this desire. You can plan a trip to Australia, explore Melbourne as a tourist by day and go to a Melbourne brothel to explore your desires by night.
Couples can start by listing out things they want to try and discuss each one with their partner and how they might affect their relationship. They can mark each one with either yes, no, or maybe, so they’ll which desires to explore first, which ones are a possibility and which ones aren’t an option.
Learn your body
Get comfortable with your body, your nakedness and your pleasure. Look at yourself naked. Look at your private parts with a mirror. Touch yourself alone or with a partner. Explore what feels good on your own so that you can explore that sensation with a partner. If our nerve endings send a pleasurable response to our brain, why would we feel shame if we sexually crave human touch? Learn how to be comfortable with yourself without any clothes on ad you’ll discover a new form of intimacy and self-confidence.
In conclusion – Learn about other sexualities so that you can accept your own
Work on being sex-positive so that you can accept your sexuality without any shame and other sexualities different from your own. There are many sex-positive podcasts, books and resources that can teach you to accept yourself, your body, your sexuality and own your pleasure.