It’s true. Men can be raped by other men. And they don’t like it. Why would they? Rape is not sex.
Contrary to popular belief, men don’t want sex all the time. Men do not think about sex 24/7. Men have feelings of vulnerability too. Men are human. So when you hear that a man was raped, know that he was hurt, betrayed, traumatized, and destroyed just a woman would be.
Because men and women are human. Stop dehumanizing women and men who are raped.
There are 3 faces a man that is raped sees, and not one is a pleasant one. Each face represents a facet of his expectation and teachings. It’s hard to look at those faces and still want to live.
The first is the face of the man that raped him. To see his face after the act is shocking. To see his proud smile of that special moment of taking someone’s soul as he says, “And you said no.” To see his face days later and not know what to do or say because to him it’s just another day. To the victim is another day of survival. To see him in dreams and wake up screaming, in a panic, and wanting to die. He sees that face on every man that says hi to him or wants to get to know him, on the man he might say yes too.
The second face a victim sees is his own. To see the face of a once handsome man with innocence raped away. A face that aged ten years overnight, the child that has disappeared into the depths of despair. No longer see the future that drove him to success. When he looks at the mirror the last thing he wants to see is the disgrace of a man that was raped. As the years go by, the face in the mirror aged, gained weight, turned sickly ready to die. He doesn’t see his face as a whole. He sees the eyes, then the lower face as he shaves, almost by touch. He has learned to compartmentalize his morning routine.
The third face he sees is that of every woman that has not been raped and judges him for his weakness, for his asking for it and complaining later about it. To hear them say, “You liked it, get over it.” Or statements such as, “Women get raped all of the time, why are you complaining?” He realizes that those are the same words women use against women who were raped. How can women be so uncaring to each other?
The victim knows why men and women keep their rape quiet, it’s still taboo, it’s still scary, it’s something that centuries of male domination have ingrained in our minds that puts a fact of life and for us to get over it.
The victim is not looking for special treatment. Nor is he looking for a pity party. He is looking for an understanding of what happened to him. Was it really his fault? Did he really like it? Did he go looking for it? Why does it hurt twenty years later as it did that night? Will he ever trust another man? Will he ever trust himself?
Women ask these questions too. So why as a society do we not give rape victims any respect?
Yes, a man can be raped, just like a woman, we are humans.
Anyone with a body can be raped.