Dear Andy, I think my boyfriend might be married and I’m not sure if I should confront him.

What if he’s not and I lose him. Or what if he is and I have to leave him. I don’t want to lose him. He makes me happy. We’ve been together for over six years. We met through a mutual acquaintance. He had just arrived from Guatemala a few months before. He was already working when we met. We became fast friends, considering that my parents are from Guatemala too. Although I’ve never visited the country, I am fluent in Spanish and in English. After a year of being friends, I noticed that we were spending too much time together. Everyone thought he was my boyfriend by that point. Then one-night magic happened and we moved in together. It never occurred to me that he might be married and supporting his family back home. Someone mentioned it in passing and now I’m all confused. He’s very secretive about who he sends money too. He says it’s his mother. Yet he’s never introduced me to her or anyone else. His roots are a mystery to me. Sometimes he gets on the phone and calls Guatemala and spends over an hour talking to whomever he’s talking too. I’m not jealous of another man. I just want to know the truth. I don’t want to be a homewrecker. I don’t like being lied too. My mother said that it’s a possibility that he has a family. She claims it’s quite common.

-Confused and in love

Dear Confused and in Love,

With what little you told me, I do think he is supporting a family in Guatemala. And, yes it is quite common. More common than people want to admit. Most men that arrive from Latin America, come here for a better life, to work honestly, and support their family back home. It’s very well known and sometimes accepted, for them to have another life in the states. They lead a double life. One family back home and one here. In some cases, they give their children the same names so they don’t get confused.

I don’t think you’re being a homewrecker. I do know that you do not know enough about our culture to understand this. It does happen and it is accepted. Just because it’s accepted does not mean you have to put up with it.

Ultimately the decision is yours. However, you do need to make a decision and live with the consequences. If he is married and has children, but he can’t be with them for whatever reason, that means that he wants to spend his time here with you. It’s kind of romantic in a way. If you accept that; it’s your choice. If you don’t accept that, you do lose him. As much as you want for him to abandon his wife and children to be with you, that does not put you in a good light. I’ve seen all sides of this spectrum. It’s not an easy spot to be in. My family has gone through this. My best friends have also gone through this with me on the sidelines watching them suffer from their decisions. I’ve also met people that have accepted the wife and children and kept it on the down low.

I wish you the best with this decision. You are now part of the Latin American Machista Club. As much as we try to avoid it, we can’t. I almost went through it.

Sincerely wish you lo mejor.

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