No matter if gay, lesbian, straight or queer, relationships have their ups and downs. There are many reasons why a relationship might fail and but also many that will make you go the distance and end up living happily ever after. It’s true that straight and gay relationships have their differences, but when it comes to deal-breakers, we’re all more or less the same. Here are just a few things to keep an eye on in your relationship and how to fix them in case things start to go astray:
Lack of trust
Everyone wants to feel secure in a relationship. If you find your partner unreliable or don’t offer enough emotional support, the trust you have for them can fade and disappear. Many things can spark a lack of trust, from lying to possessiveness, jealousy, and infidelity. Relationships that are based on suspicion and mistrust will fall apart sooner or later. Couples who survive turbulent times trust their partners and give them the benefit of the doubt.
It’s a given that your partner will possess certain traits that go on your nerves or beliefs that don’t agree with yours. However, that doesn’t mean you need to leave your loving boyfriend just because he’s not a “gym gay” like you. It’s unavoidable to have differences between two people, and the way you handle these differences will decide the future course of your relationship. It might seem cute today that your girlfriend is a homebody, but if you’re an outdoorsy lesbian always ready for an adventure, you might try to change your partner to cure your frustration. This non-acceptance of their habits will fuel resentment and frustration that can end up in a breakup.
Difference in priorities
Let’s say you’re dating someone you really like, but you realize that you’re not on the same page when it comes to priorities. Maybe your desires and plan for the relationship differ. Differences in relationship goals are something that affects straight couples more than gay couples, but they can be present in any relationship. For instance, straight couples who have met over a straight-forward sugar dating app don’t have these issues. Sugar dating comes with clear expectations and the relationship is based on honesty and openness. On the other hand, someone who meets on Tinder or Grindr might struggle with finding someone who’s having the same ambitions as them. If it turns out that you want to settle and your partner wants to continue making connections with other people, it can cause your relationship to fall apart. Or maybe you want to stay in the bustling city while your partner wants to retire in the countryside. Make time to discuss long-term goals for your lives and see how you can make space for each other in them.
LGBTQ+ relationships are famous for good communication between partners, especially when it comes to lesbian and queer couples, but that doesn’t mean communication goes naturally for everyone. It’s unavoidable for your relationship to run into challenges, and to overcome them, you’ll need to practice good communication with your partner. If you can’t do that, you will become frustrated and do things that will escalate issues (starting arguments, being cold, mirroring their unwanted behaviors, etc.). Learn to state your feelings honestly and you’ll see that you can avoid and overcome challenges together more easily.
Not enough sex and intimacy
For couples that practice sex, love-making is very important in the relationship. When hugging, kissing, touching and having sex, our bodies release love hormones that boost happiness and deepen connections. When you stop showing affection for each other in a physical way, you might start feeling the deterioration of your relationship. This is something that often bothers lesbian couples (AKA lesbian bed death), but it can be present in any relationship. A mismatch in sexual energies can often end in a split. Once again, communication and openness about your desires can help, but also don’t forget to have fun and be playful and adventurous in bed.
The key to a long-lasting queer relationship is communication, trust and intimacy. If you practice these (in your preferred ways, of course), you can expect a happy and stable relationship or at least a respectful and healthy civil breakup.