Constantly I am just confused on what I want. What I’m looking for. Whether it’s who I want, as in my sexuality, or just what I want, I always seem to find myself confused and unsure. Sexuality is very fluid and subject to change constantly, but it’s aggravating when you want to put a label on yourself but can’t. I’ve gone from bisexual, to pansexual, to bisexual again, to being a lesbian, and now I’m just not putting a label on it. I cannot seem to comprehend what I truly want and it’s tiring.
Maybe I’m never going to be able to figure it out. Maybe I’m just this sexually ambiguous girl who will date whoever she wants. Honestly, that doesn’t sound too bad. But it still frustrates me. Especially being someone living in a world where everything and everyone has a label. I often just end up saying I’m gay, to make things easier. With my haircut and my attire, it’s pretty much common knowledge by the high schoolers who think stereotypes are real.
Regardless, I think I’m okay with not knowing who I am for the most part. I don’t think that my sexuality and what I identify as is that important. Someday it might be when I’m actually looking to find love, but as a seventeen-year-old getting ready for college, it’s not my biggest concern.
If you do not know your sexuality, or you’re confused, don’t worry about it. There are many people in your shoes. You’re not alone. Someday you’ll figure it out, and when that day comes, you’ll be glad you didn’t label yourself right away. I’ve made that mistake so many times, and it makes it confusing for everyone around you including yourself. I wish I would’ve known this before I myself got confused. The point of this article is to let everyone know that it’s completely okay to be yourself. Even if that self is confused and afraid of what they truly are. As a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, it’s almost impossible not to be scared at some point. No matter what, you can always push through and end up happy with the person you are. And from now on, until I’m fully sure, I’m no longer labeling myself.