I’ve always struggled with making friends because I feel like my sexuality limits me. That sounds crazy, right?
I feel like if I’m single, I can’t have guy friends because they think I will give them a shot. I don’t like feeling like someone is always just waiting in the wings. I feel like if I’m in a relationship, I can’t have other lesbian friends because it threatens my partner. I don’t like having to explain myself constantly. I feel like no matter what I am, I can really only have friends that are couples. It’s extremely confining.
The more difficult part I think is making friends without being upfront ABOUT being a lesbian. I have met so many cool straight girls around here. I will admit that they are attractive, but that has nothing to do with my feelings of friendship towards them. However, my concern always becomes that they will find out I’m a lesbian and not want to be friends based on that. Always that stigma. Why do straight girls always think that lesbians are going to automatically hit on them or have more than friendship feelings for them? It’s presumptuous and frustrating. Some of the coolest people I’ve met in Houston are straight girls, but the moment we discuss our home lives and they realize my fiance is a woman, I never hear from them again. Is it too much to ask to have some friends that don’t care about my sexual orientation?
I think that making friends with other lesbians is equally as trying because there is always something that makes it uncomfortable, in my personal experience. Whether it is unrequited feelings or merely physical attraction, I don’t think I’ve ever had a completely innocent relationship as a friend with another lesbian. Is that just me?
I can count on one hand how many honest friends I have. My best friend is a male, and he used to have feelings for me. After a few years, he finally let it go and is irreplaceable to me. My other best friend is a female, but she is primarily into individuals who identify as trans. That’s about it.
I don’t know, I just feel like it’s such a strange situation to try and befriend people when it’s difficult no matter what type of people they are. It’s a lose-lose for me.