Dear complacent husband,
No, not my husband. I’m talking to you; the man who doesn’t take care of his wife’s emotional or physical needs. I have a feeling you know who you are. You skip doing the little things for her. You don’t pick up after yourself or contribute to raising the kids. You don’t seduce her. You treat her like she’s less than.
You always think your wife would never leave you, and definitely not for a woman. Until she does and you are blindsided like nobody’s business. I know. I’ve seen it. I was the catalyst.
First I’ll tell you a bit about myself. I started out with an affinity for the unobtainable: straight women, married women, women out of my league. Then I began to obtain them, and, I am embarrassed to admit, I liked it. I loved the thrill of playing with fire. I’ve had women cheat on, and eventually leave, their husbands to be with me. I’ve had straight women compete with each other for my attention and affection.
Please don’t misunderstand me. It was never a game. I didn’t go out and poach these women or set out to break up anyone’s relationship or marriage. I told myself that the transgressions belonged to the women who made the choice to pursue me. I was available and they were choosing to leave their abusive/disinterested/cold (insert any undesirable adjective here) man.
It would start innocently enough; after weeks of flirtation, she would ask me out for a drink after work. Yes, I always let them make the first move. It had to be their idea, not mine. I had to make sure it was really what they wanted. It always was. No hesitation, no second thoughts. They would jump at the chance to be alone with me.
I could read their faces and almost see the wheels turning as to how they would let me know they were interested in more than just friendship. Over drinks ‘Alice’ told me all the things she wanted in a lover and none of them were traits of her husband.
‘Ava’ told me that her husband physically abused her. She did a pretty thorough job at showing me she needed rescuing. I was invited to their home for dinner, he cooked. I quickly learned the truth about her husband. No, he wasn’t perfect by any means. In fact, he was kind of an ass. He stopped having sex with her, but he wasn’t an abuser.
The most brazen of these women was ‘Alexandra’. She was married to a U.S. Marine Corps officer. She told me during our first phone conversation that she planned to f*** me silly on our first date. She said I wasn’t allowed to refuse, not that I did. Our affair only lasted about four weeks. One night she seduced me on her living room floor while her husband snored on the couch three feet away. That was the last risk I took with her before breaking it off.
There were others that I had the opportunity to be with but didn’t, for whatever reason.
You may be wondering what it is about me that attracts these women. Sure, I’m attractive but that’s not the reason. What I gave them was my undivided attention. When we talked she was the only person that existed. I was liberal with tenderness and I gave her respect. I didn’t interrupt when she was talking. I thanked and appreciated her for spending her valuable time with me. And I never chased her.
Yet, she gave up on you to be with me. That means that she’d already given you plenty of chances. She tried to tell you…
…if only you’d listened to her.