This could probably be considered part 2 of what should be called Ridiculous OkCupid Matching Questions (with part 1 being do you have a thing for foreign accents?). You see, when I think about romantic/sexual relationships, I don’t pick a gender that I would ideally like to end up dating and then only seek to meet people who identify with that gender. Instead, I just try to date people that I find myself attracted to. For example, even though I have never dated a cis woman before, if asked, “Would you date a cis woman?”, I would say yes. It seems simple to me that if I ever find myself romantically or sexually attracted to a cis woman, I would love to date her. So I was somewhat surprised to see that many people on OkCupid answered the question in the title negatively.
Usually, when people describe their orientation by only referring to men and women, they mean cis men and cis women. I asked my cis queer female ex-roommate if she had ever dated or would ever consider dating a trans woman. She replied that she had never dated one and that she felt like trans women need a lot of emotional support that she is not sure if she can provide. This is, first of all, a gross generalization. Not every trans woman needs a lot of emotional support. It is both erroneous and offensive to relate somebody’s gender to their need for emotional support before you even know the person. Secondly, it seems very unnatural to think that ‘neediness’ for emotional support would be a factor in picking one’s dating partners. Emotional needs are not easy to gauge the first time you meet somebody. They reveal themselves slowly throughout a relationship. So what my ex-roommate said sounded a bit like an excuse to me. Like she realized that it sounds problematic for her to say that she’d never date a trans woman, so she tried to rationalize it by making up a reason that sounded somewhat mature.
It felt painful for me to hear a queer person say this. Cis straight people say transphobic things all the time—though this certainly doesn’t make them okay!—and this sounded like a problematic comment that a cis straight person would make. I hope that most cis queer people using OkCupid do not think in such generalizations and are open to dating trans people.