Dear Andy, I think my boss wants sex with me,
I’m not sure how to ask your opinion. I might be paranoid or something. Not sure. I just started working at my first job after college with a local casino in Las Vegas. I’m in Human Resources, but I do the Employee Moral Events. Basically, I do event planning every month for the employees, such as awards, employee recognition, monthly newsletters, etc. I started about six months ago. My boss is in his forties or older. Not sure. Like he’s really grey in the temples and he’s Italian and has a stocky build.
I feel uncomfortable around him. He hovers over my shoulders when I’m working on the newsletter. He gives me advice, all the while grabbing and massaging my shoulders. Sometimes I feel his groin on my arms. When I leave the office to post signs or go to another department, he texts me two minutes after I leave to ask where I’m at. It’s been a lot lately. He has taken me to dinners at a fancy restaurant on Tropicana. It’s really expensive and nice. For the past two month’s he’s been taking me there as an appreciation for the hard work I do. We always go in his small, classic car. It’s so small that when he shifts his hand is sometimes are on my knees. He’s single (I think) because he doesn’t have a wedding band and is always calling me or texting me even while I’m at work or during the weekends. Sometimes he invites me over the weekend to spend time in his jacuzzi.
I feel stupid writing this because it seems like I’m enjoying it. I am, to tell you the truth. I’m getting a lot of attention, but it scares me. I’m 22 and I’ve only had one boyfriend when I was in high school I’m trying to focus on my career. With my boss, I don’t have time to find a date. My parents are really questioning my relationship with him. I get teased at work that my guard dog is around the corner and they shouldn’t mess with me.
I had made a friend or potential boyfriend at work, but my boss talked to him at work without me knowing and he got transferred to another property with a raise. I just found that out, and he wasn’t supposed to talk to me or he’d get fired.
Dude, I’m super confused. I gross out at the thought that the old man will ask me for sexual favors or get even more handsy. Last week he started going in the jacuzzi naked. I did last night and I was not comfortable with the way he was touching me; he had me in a very uncomfortable position in the hot tub. I felt violated and curious at the same time. Nothing happened. He backed off when I told him that I was feeling uncomfortable. He’s out of town for a week and I don’t know how to face him when he comes back to work. Am I doing something wrong?
–Touched and Confused
Dear Touched and Confused,
You need to report him to his boss. You’re already in Human resources and you know how the rules work. Ask for another Employee Manual and read it thoroughly. Talk to someone in a higher position about what you can do. Protect yourself first and write out as much as you remember in a timely and organized fashion. Basically, keep a journal. If you’re not ready to report him, make sure you write in your journal every time he texts, calls, or takes you out when it’s not work-related. Once you have that ready, take a moment and revise it and make it factual, not opinionated. Make sure you only write from your point of view and don’t write what you think he’s doing. The facts speak for themselves. Don’t lie. If you’re in a union, talk to a representative. More than likely you’re not union if you’re working for a local casino.
You have the right not to be touched and feel uncomfortable. I know you’re young and you might feel that if you don’t speak up, you’ll get fired. The fact is. You’re better off finding another job if you do get fired for reporting him. There are things you should do. Just because you’re following what he wants is probably because you’re under Duress.
This will happen very often if you don’t watch yourself. There are many Predators out there looking for Twinkies. I don’t’ mean a Hostess Twinkie. Those predators are not only on the internet, on hookup apps, or at bookstores. They’re everywhere. Some are very religious men, others are teachers and bosses. It’s a cliche that there. Some hide under the Facade of being a straight man.
Be careful in your future dealings with men. It’s not always the old ones you need to watch out for. Keep an open eye and be safe.